I got a chance to see the Expendables. With a line up like that, I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time, and I didn’t even know Charisma Carpenter was in this! Here are some thoughts:

Movie Title
This should have been titled, ‘The Incomprehensibles’. I mean seriously: Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren, Rourke, Schwarzenegger? I had no idea what any of those guys were saying half the time. There should have been subtitles.

Surprise of the movie?
I went to see a long list of long time favorite action heros in action, and it turns out the one guy who I’d never even heard of before, Terry Crews, stole the show.

Filmography and Action Sequences
The filmography was poor all the way around. Very muddy and hard to follow. Poor editing, poor directing. But you go to this kind of movie for the action and yet the action sequences were shot as if needing to cover a bunch of really inexperienced action actors, or really old ones. That may be true for some of them, but I find it hard to believe that Jet, Couture, and Statham are tool old to do action. I think instead it was simply a very poor filming and editing job. They should have showcased the talents of these guys we love and not buried it.

I know, I know. There should be no expectation of dialogue in this movie all things considered, and yet even without any expectations, it failed to meet those. My guess is there was no script. They just ad-libbed the entire movie. Couldn’t understand them half the time and the other half I wished I couldn’t. Jokes that made no sense, dialogue that was completely pointless. Really hurt what could have been a far more enjoyable film.

Where was Rocky vs Ivan Drago?
I really thought we’d see these two go toe-to-toe in a classic alternate universe rematch, with the gloves off. What a missed opportunity.

Did I Miss Something?
I’m not sure if I missed something, but from minute one it felt like the directors expected that I’d already seen Expendables 1 – 9, and this was the 25 year reunion, with #10. There was no setup and it seemed to be about a group we were supposed to have long had a history with and now were watching them deal with old age.

As good as the cast was…
Not sure why Couture was cast (he’s my favorite UFC guy). He’s not a Hall of Fame action hero, and he really stood out like a sore thumb amongst the rest. They didn’t even use any of his skills.

Where was Chuck Norris? Couldn’t he have kicked someone’s butt for two minutes at least?

Bruce Willis was wasted. If all the guy is going to do is stand there in a suit, then he’s only there to pretend he’s in the movie. He should have been involved in the action.

In all, this movie seemed to be extremely low budget, and it felt as though that once they signed this cast, they phoned in the rest. But, I will say the final 30 minutes saved it from being a completed disappointment. I enjoyed Sly and Statham and Crews. The rest I could have lived without, even though I like so many of them.

Does Eric Roberts age?

Now that Schwarzenegger looks as old as my grandfather he should probably stay out of movies.